How To Use The ‘Keep This Not That’ Journal Method To Find Balance

Gratitude journaling has become a cliche.

For many people writing down a few things you are grateful for each day doesn’t work. Sometimes bad things happen and pretending everything ok isn’t a magic fix.

Yet this doesn’t mean there aren’t other forms of gratitude that could work. The poet and author, Komal Kapoor, developed her own method to deal with heartbreak. She was driven to it because she didn’t want to admit to her friends how badly she had been hurt.

Komal calls it her “Keep This Not That” journaling method and has since used it to deal with all kinds of negative shocks to her life to maintain her balance. It’s a welcome antidote to toxic positivity.

The core idea is to recognize the negative sides of an experience but try to then let it go. It allows you to express your full range of emotions and not bottle anything up.

This article is based on the Mindful & Driven episode with Komal. You can listen here or find the YouTube video at the bottom of this article.

How to do it

First, get two pieces of paper.

One will be where you let out all your negative emotions. If it’s a break up then it’s everything you dislike about a person. If it’s not getting promoted, then it’s every way in which you feel you were treated unfairly. Write down your feelings without shame or hesitancy. This is for you, no one else has to see it.

On the other piece of paper, write down everything you will remember fondly. In most nonsevere cases, there are always at least some moments that were good. Let’s say you were passed over for promotion but along the way proved to yourself you could lead a presentation with confidence.

As you may guess from the name of the method, the positive list is something you keep. It helps you to remember the good even in the bad moments.

The negative list is yours to destroy in whatever brings you the most satisfaction. Komal burns her lists but maybe you less dramatically through it the trash.

Don’t skip the negatives

I’m not happy all the time and neither are you. There’s no point in acting otherwise. Giving yourself the freedom to rant to yourself without consequences feels freeing.

Social media teaches us everyone else’s life is perfect but this isn’t true. Don’t hold yourself to such an unrealistic standard.

Sometimes your feelings can be confused because the good and the bad are all mixed up. When you’re coming down from a high, you may have allowed yourself to be blind to the red flags. If you’re unhappy but struggling to write down negatives, it makes it even more important so you can get to the core of what’s causing your discontent.

You can learn from these but you don’t need to cling to the dark thoughts associated.

How to find the silver lining

Be sure to frame the positives in terms of yourself. Be self-absorbed. Celebrate your achievements and your character.

If nothing else you’re still here. You didn’t let the bad experience break you and you’re trying to find ways to deal with it. This makes you strong no matter whether other people belittle your problems.

Whenever you feel low, your list serves as a reminder of how great you are. It doesn’t matter whether you fell short in the past. There were lessons learned and you can use these as an encouragement to not let the feeling overwhelm you.

Mark it with a ceremony

Komal found her method resonated with a lot of other people and started leading workshops related to it. People would bring their negatives list with them and they’d all burn it together while seeking comfort in knowing they aren’t alone.

There’s a reason so many major religions and cultures have rituals. It makes us feel part of something bigger than us and like we belong. While Komal initially used her journal method so she didn’t have to share with her friends, I’d always recommend letting others know what’s on your mind!

I hope you found the ‘Keep This, Not That’ journalling method useful and can see ways you can apply it to your own life. If you’d like to hear Komal talk about it with me in more detail, check out our conversation in the video below.